April Fools! (Tag: Mary, Cazz, ALB, Vanity, and open)

Mary tried to keep a normal face as she passed the can of muggle peanut brittle to Cazz. Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes was packed, of course, and has been for the past few weeks.

Cazz looked down at the peanut brittle for a moment confused. Was it her birthday? Did Mary always give her candy for no reason? Not being one for rejecting any sort of candy in the sense she looked up at Mary smiling happily. Cazz began to twist the cap off before looking up at Mary.

"What kinda peanut brittle is it?"

"What? Just- just normal peanut brittle. I didn't know there were different kinds." Mary didn't have to feign her confusion. Were people flavoring peanut brittle, or cutting it into shapes, or something?

"NNNOOOO-- CAZZZ!" From behind the shelves came Vanity, running in seemingly-slow-motion and a look of panic on his face. It looked as if Vanity were warning Cazz from activating a bomb, than from opening up a joke-can. "-IT'S A TRAAAAAAP!"

"Yeah there is like ten different kinds... all of them good." Smiling happily she continued to twist the cap getting no where. Realizing it suddenly that it was a pop cap she felt sorta stupid. Popping the top the top slowly she looked up as Vanity ran down the street screaming. "What is-"

Jumping back in surprises Cazz threw the can as blue and green snakes jumped out at her. "HOLY FUCK!!" Getting up quickly she kicked the can.

"NO-" He watched as the colorful paper-snakes exploded from the can and dropped to his knees, sobbing loudly. "NNNNNOOOOO!"
He turned towards Mary, hands clenched to fist. "You monster! YOU MONSTER!" He turned to the ceiling, as if he were cursing the very gods themselves. "SHE WAS MY FRIEEENNNNDDD!"

Mary just laughed, wrapping an arm around them both.
"Van, you're so dramatic."

"I deserve compensation for my emotional trauma." Vanity replied seriously, giving a very business-like nod of his head. "Twelve Galleons and, er, a new pair of trousers should cover it."

Cazz looked down sadly at the can that was on the ground that had no peanut brittle inside... It was a lie... like the cake... it was all a lie. Cazz started to tear up as she looked up at her. "I feel ded inside and I ded!?! Did those snakes kill me.."

( she was ded )

"We'll get you some real peanut brittle, Cazzie. Why do you need new trousers?" She asked, trying to crane her neck around and see Vanity from all angles.

" but that peanut brittle was special... it was from you!!" She sniffled then started to cry.

Vanity looked over to Mary slyly. "'Cause my old ones-- are gone!" He thew his hands up in the air just as a puff of smoke erupted around him and, as soon as the smoke cleared, he was pant-less.
Seven years of Wizarding school and this was the best Goddamn magic-trick he could do.

He paused, then looked over to Cazz, blinking several times. "Aww...Don't cry...You look fat when you cry." He walked over to the girl, patting her back gently. "You want to shag in the bathroom? Will that make you feel better?"

Mary began twirling some hair in her fingers. She grabbed her coinpurse, took off her robes and draped them over Vanity's shoulders, then went to buy some peanut brittle. She really needed to remember how her friends could overreact to things...

Cazz wiped away.her fake tears giving a clap at the magic trick before quickly running behind vanity and stealing the robes that were covering him.

" Wow... no banana stuffing Van?"

"That was one and I was seven and I hadn't puberty yet and I was self-conscious!" He crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. "S'no worse than when you tried to use orange as fake boobs..."

"Hey plus side I have plenty of boobs now and you have a normal sized dick... We thought you were always gonna pee sideways." She laughed a little and patted his back for a second before gasping.
"YOU WEAR BATMAN UNDERWEAR TOOOOOO!!!" Both hands where on her cheeks in one of the strangest expressions she could muster up. "MEEEEE TOOOOOO!!"

Vanity's hands flew to his cheeks, smooshing them together in a look of shock. "NOWAI!" This, to him, was one of the greatest signs of true-friendship there were.

Mary sighed as she paid for the peanut brittle, hearing Cazz shout something about Batman. They should probably leave the store soon, or they might be asked to leave. She twirled her hair some more as she walked back to the duo.

Reaching down she unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans before pulling down while singing the 60's batman theme song (Ya know the one that I have as my ring tone). "This is why we are best friends man... forever..." Looking over at Mary she turned and started to yell. "WERE TWINS, VANITY AND I, MARY!!!! BESTIES OF THE KINGDOM BESTIES!"

Vanity turned towards Mary, eyes bright and lips in a broad grin. "OUR UNDERWEAR MATCH!"

"I'm so glad." Mary muttered, finger-combing her hair. "Can we compare underwear somewhere more private? Cazzie, I got you real peanut brittle, but you need to pull your trousers up or I won't give it to you."

Cazz could only describe the look as this ----> ( https://i.imgur.com/VgXCk.gif ) Reaching down she sighed a little stepping out of her pants she folded them neatly in her arms looking at Mary. "Which corner should I stand at pimp masta licious because I am never wearing pants again!" She threw them at Mary before running around Vanity then hiding behind his scrawny body.

"Ack!" Mary caught Cazz's trousers, then looked at them for a moment, thinking. "Okay." She shrugged, laying them over an arm, "More peanut brittle for me. I'll be waiting outside when you decide you want to put your trousers on and have some candy with me." She waved her wand and the remnants of the fake peanut brittle disappeared. She turned around and began slowly walking toward the front of the store.

"NEVER AGAIN SHALL WE ALLOW THE OPPRESSION OF SOCIETY'S RULE! WHO ARE THEY TO SAY WHAT CAN AND CANNOT ADORN OUR CALVES, KNEES AND LEGS- TODAY WE REBEL. TODAY WE START A REVOLUTION!" He accented his scream by landing his foot harshly against a shelf of toys, causing the whole thing to tumble down in a loud bang.

"...sir, we're going to have to ask you to leave."

Vanity looked over to the sales clerk, who was eyeing Vanity with a look of both exhaustion and fear.

"FIne...I will leave your domain..." Vanity began to walk backwards towards the exit. "But rest assured I will be back-- WITH AN ARMY OF 300! AND WE WILL FIGHT FOR THE FREEDOM OF NUDITY!" He stumbled over a toy, caught himself before falling, cleared his throat, then turned and skipped off.