Cazz's flat sorta thing ( Tag: Mary :P)

There is something different in all of us, the way we feel about something, the way we look at others… or just the way we see the world and Cazz Valentine was no different. She was a troubled soul, deep down having a purpose beyond what she was here for. Beyond what she could process at times, though that’s why events happen in life to lead you the way to understand why you are put on the earth, what you are to the universe, why, just why you are here in this small place you call the world. Cazz was different in others, shunned at times from her own kind but she out casted herself most of the time. She was afraid of people… afraid to touch, and now afraid to love, though the list of what she was growing afraid of grew day by day.

With age her gift… began to give her more problems. Slowly growing more and more powerful with time, seeing horrible things, light hearted loving moments, and sad moments in people lives. She slowly became a recluse in her own home, in the last month in her little home no longer seeing a need to go out and connect with the world. It almost seemed all like a lost cause to her, no longer remembering anything else in her life that gave her much joy or passion, no longer missing Vanity nor her family. She had grown use to the idea of being alone.

Her home was empty almost baron of all things, a little microwave sat in a corner next to a bed with pillows and sheets scattered everywhere books stacks here and there some pages open others ripped and on the wall… and journals upon journals laid stacked along the hall to the bathroom.
Lately her life had gone in a different direction, something that made her colder around people, no longer having the happy warm smile she would always put on in front of people, growing almost distant. She had gone back to selling her visions, no longer involving herself in the bar any more seeing no reason. She saw no reason, Mary took care of it perfectly well and was being such a great co-owner she thought to stay the silent partner in it all thinking it may be better for the both of them. Her work mostly involved the darker side of things, trading information in muggle stocks or giving someone information of upcoming secrets with close friends or business partners. Mostly dealing with death eaters or workers from the ministry of magic and the slimy bunch, though one things stayed constant she would take their money and only give readings from her home. She hadn’t seen Blaire since the last time she made cookies, she was living such a happy life full of content and peacefulness, her brothers were finely getting off alright finding there notch in the world they were all going to be okay, everyone would be okay and her time away seemed to prove her right. They were getting along just fine, soon they would forget all about her unless they needed her.
Cazz laid in bed, ripped black jeans on a large oversized red and gold stripped sweater on. Her hair in a tangled mess slowly going down to the middle of her back, no longer having bangs all out grown from her last few months inside her hair even growing more of a white color. Her skin growing paler with time losing most of its pigment, the bags under her eyes becoming darker with lack of sleep she had grown thinner different from who she once was. The lack of light in her eyes showing no more joy being held by anything she does. A single light hanging above her head swinging side to side as people zoomed by her place in flying cars or on brooms shaking the roof slightly almost lulling her in to a false sense of security. Her eyes slowly began to shut as she began to drift to a place between being awake and asleep.

A load bang coming at the door as she was shaken awake gasping softly as she ran a hand threw her hair slowly as she grabbed a drink from the fridge slowly popping the top taking a long drink as she slowly makes her way to the door unlocking the many chains and locks before slowly opening it up wincing at the light opening it for whoever it was at the door whispering very softly. “Come in…”
Her guest was another person from the Ministry of magic, sneering at the way she was living at the moment dropping a sack of coins at her feet as Cazz slowly bent down looking at the money numbly before throwing it in a growing basket of small bags of coins gently holding out a piece of paper to the man who looked her over slowly taking the paper from her folding it carefully slipping it into his pocket as he turned saying clearly. “I need to learn about another person in my department, Nathan Finster… I want dirt on him as well… I will be back next week to collect it. Same rate I assume?”
Cazz nodded numbly taking a cloth holding out for something, the man slowly turned around handing her a small box as she looked up at him wrapped it up so it did not touch her skin. “I can do that… it will be done by time.” She gently set the box on her side table slowly to the door holding it open for him slightly as he took a step out turning down the side walk and kept going not turning back much at all as Cazz slowly closed the door locking up again. She leaned against the door eyes closed taking in a deep breath shivering slightly slowly turning around as she went to her record player putting on an album slinking down the hall as she turned on the bath running the water slowly as she gently put her hand under the look warm water gently flicking the water droplets off her hand as she peels off her clothes not remembering the last time she enjoyed a bath.

The light above her head flickered slightly as she sunk down into the old copper tub, her head leaning against the edge taking in a steady deep breath as she slowly sunk down further her nose just above the water eyes closed taking in another deep steady breath before sinking in completely her eyes opening up under water looking at everything threw the clear water, slowly letting the bubbles from her slip out of her moth making ripples in the water as she closed her eyes her hair floating around her. Her hand gripped the edge of the tub keeping her under longer and longer wanting to feel the rush, to feel something. She felt as if her life had been a waste, she was a terrible lover, a worst friend, and couldn’t keep herself sober long enough to deal with the growing problems in her life. She felt there was only two ways out, one the first she was going with suicide, easy enough, if she wasn’t so scared of the thought of leaving this ugly world or being put away… and it was honestly the last thing she ever wanted to do. It means she would have to actually deal with what’s wrong with her, her abandonment issues, the things she sees, the things she’s done to others, what she will have to deal with… everything she ever thought that would break her at the thought of accepting of who she was, who she really became… after everything.

So this was her chance before letting them take her alive, putting her away for her crimes and the pain she had caused so many people. More bubbles begin to slip to the top of the water her lungs began to begging for air as her knuckles began to turn white as she started to see black dots on her vision opening her mouth she sucked in some water as the dots grew bigger her arms quickly pulling her up leaning over the edge tub coughing hard as water dripped on to the floor gasping for air tears streaming down her face as she tried to breath steadily coughing harder and harder arms shaking as she closed her eyes slowly letting out the water shaking from the cold in the place grabbing the towel weakly wrapping it around her as she stumbled out of the shower leaning against the counter for support trying to get steady once more. Slowly brushing her hair back from her face as she sucked in a deep breath sighing softly looking around the bathroom a puddle on the floor as she laughed slightly, twenty one… and wanting to die already, she wondered if this was a new high or low in her book.

Mary apparated on Cazz's lawn, finding it very overgrown. She frowned. She figured Cazz had gotten busy with other things besides the bar, but perhaps not. If she wasn't bothering to keep the lawn tended, she might have become a recluse again. She knocked hard at the door, wanting to wake Cazz even if she had taken a sleeping potion. "Cazzie?" She called. "Cazz, it's Mary. We haven't talked in a while, let's catch up." She tried to keep her tone light, but she was kind of worried.

Cazz slowly dried off getting dressed in a long sleeve red sweater and a pair of shorts slowly walking to the door running fingers threw her hair as she began to undo the chains and the locks peeking outside wincing at the sun backing up a little whispering. "Yes?"

Mary was about to knock again when she heard the door unlocking. Quite a few locks unlocking, oh sweetie. The sun seemed to hurt Cazz, so Mary moved to try and block it.
"Hey Cazzie." She tried to smile, but she was now more than kind of worried. Cazz had stayed inside so long you might think she was albino, except for the purple-black marks under her eyes from severe lack of sleep. "Can I come in? You don't look so hot, is there anything I can do?" Mary wanted to make the woman some soup and maybe slip a sleeping drought in, but that might not be the best course of action.

She slowly opened the door slowly letting her in as she gently brushed some hair from her eyes as she nods very gently yes, looking around a little kicking some things out of the way so Mary had a place to sit as she sits on the edge of the bed. Watching her very closely for a few moments quite, almost like she was deep in thought as she whispered playing with her hair a little distracted.

"No I'm fine Mary... what do you need?"

Cazz's house was not in good shape. Rubbish and torn up books everywhere, a mattress on the floor next to a microwave... Mary sat on the chair Cazz had cleared. "You're not fine." She whispered, matching Cazz's volume. "Honey, I'm here because I wondered what you were up to. What's going on? Did- Did you join that group again?" She still couldn't manage to say 'Death Eaters' aloud. But it worried her, how much Cazz had changed, from silly and carefree to morose and careless. She had to remember that her friend seemed prone to these moods, and Mary should catch up with her more often.

"No... no I am not..." She slowly laid back closing her eyes taking in a deep breath running fingers threw her hair gently just listening to the silence between them a few moments before slowly as she looks to the door a few moments just watching it as she sits up again looking at Mary a few moments.

" Selling my visions... and other things..." She ran fingers threw her hair looking up at her slowly sighing gently slowly getting up getting a bottle of beer opening it taking a long drink before looking back at her asking. "Want anything to drink?"

It took Cazz a few moments to answer, as if she was trying to remember, but Mary could be patient. If Cazz was selling visions, how could her house get this bad? Was the other stuff literally stuff she was selling, stuff from the house?
"Okay, I only have two questions. Number one, what happened here?" She gestured around them. What had happened to make Cazz fall back into this?

" I remembered what I did..." She took another drink slowly sitting back down on the bed looking around the place a little slowly.
"I like it, makes things easier to get too... I got angry... and I trashed the place fuck what was it... three months ago and never cleaned it up." She finished the bottle slowly laying it on the ground with the growing pile looking around the place opening the microwave seeing a few random things in there before shutting it quickly.

Though Mary wasn't sure what Cazz was referring to remembering doing, the rest was understandable. She could imagine Cazz in a bad mood, trashing the place and never bothering to pick it up, the bad mood getting worse and worse...
"Okay." She nodded and moved to sit next to Cazz on the bed. "Question two, what can I do to help?" Mary was prepared to do whatever it took to get her friend feeling better.

"I'm fine..." she ran fingers threw her hair slowly looking back at Mary seeing how close she was for a moment slightly surprised creating just a bit more space between them as she looked her over slightly for a few long moments,
"There's nothing to help... just waiting to die pretty much or taken to the loony bin. Which ever comes first..." looking around a little at the upside down clock as a loud knock came at the door. A man in long dark robes standing outside as Cazz slowly stood going over to a note book taking out a page from it folding it up. As she walks to the door opening up slightly holding out her hand as he drops the small bag of coins in her hand as she hands him the paper slowly closing the door locking it up again, dropping the bag of coins in the basket with the other bags as she slowly comes back over to sit down next to Mary.

Cazz shifted to sit farther away from Mary. Mary was about to tell her friend that no way in hell were either of those scenarios happening when someone knocked at the door. Cazz exchanged a piece of paper for some money which she tossed into a basket with more of the like, before sitting by Mary again.
"Cazzie, the way I see it you have two options." Mary whispered. "Either we can work on getting you and the house back to like before, just the two of us, or we can go to St. Mungo's." She wouldn't force the woman to go to St. Mungo's, but wanted Cazz to know it was something they could do.

((Anything specific you want to happen?))

"Honestly Mary... there is no getting back to like it was before... I am either going to end up killing myself or some other crazy thing. You know, I am a terrible lover, can't hold a fuckin' job, everyone in my life eventually leaves me! Like fuckin' Vanity! For fuck sakes..." She slowly brought her legs to her chest taking in a deep breath sighing very softly as she runs fingers threw her hair whispering very gently to Mary.
"I just... I just want to be left like this... I like this... I can't hurt anyone... eventually everyone will forget me... and then I can just fad away... and everyone will be happy... then the ministry will take me away from my crimes, I'll take the blame for Blaire and everything she's done so her and Blaine can live a wonderful life... then live my life out in a cell just waiting for people to do something to me..." She rested her head on her knee slowly drawing swirls on her leg eyes closed.

Mary tried not to get mad. She had to remember Cazz wasn't in her right mind.
"I'm not letting that happen." She stated. "I don't care if no one else has come to visit you, we're going to get this place cleaned up, c'mon." She stood and held a hand out to Cazz. She figured if the place was clean, maybe Cazz would feel a little better. Hopefully it would help her see that everything isn't hopeless.

Cazz did not even try to grab her hand just looked at it a long moment before slowly rolling over laying in her bed staring against the wall for a few long moments, waiting for Mary to leave. She was done, everything about her was gone. Cazz was slowly losing what made her her, what made her human. She wanted to be left her to rot, it seemed like the best ways to pay for her crimes against the world.
"Just... go home."

Instead of standing up, Cazz lay down to stare at the wall.
"No." Mary replied. "I care about you. You don't have to help if you don't want to, but I'm going to start cleaning." She pulled out her wand and pointed at the microwave. "Scourgify." Cazz seemed really out of it, really really out of it. Mary didn't think she'd ever seen her friend this bad. But she was determined to help, and cleaning was as good a place as any to start.

((Did you want Mary to give up, or no?))

( Whatever you think is best, what you would do for a friend.)

"Why bother... I am sure it will look like this in a week..." She slowly closes her eyes tired, of sorts. Enough to slowly curl up into her bed looking down at her hands mumbling softly. " Herbert will clip his wing against a window when he's flying too low... your should tell him to watch that... he'll wobble other wise... when he flies for a good year.."

"Thanks, sweetie, I'll keep an eye out." She smiled a bit and continued to clean. If Cazz had everything dirty again in a week, she'd clean again, but she truly believed Cazz would feel better once the place was neater. She Vanished a load of rubbish from food, but was unsure which bits of paper were important. She wanted to repair the books, but Cazz might have written on the pages and need to be able to find them. She cleaned the curtains, which let in a bit more light, which would be good for Cazz. Not only for her skin, but her mood and sleeping habits, being in the dark all the time messed with your sleep schedule and lack of sunlight made you apathetic and/or grumpy.

( So sorry I have been so busy lately i don't know which way is up?)

Cazz slowly rolls over looking at you a long moment, closing her eyes gently the sun already hurting them shaking her head slowly groaning a little getting up slowly making her way to the bathroom in a gentle and easy pace. Nothing to hurried as she runs fingers over her face mumbling a little. "I like my house the way it is..."

(it's cool)
"Cazzie, right now I don't care. I'm cleaning your place up, it's the least I can do for not stopping by sooner." She was half sorry she hadn't noticed Cazz getting this bad, half frustrated at Cazz that she had let it get this far and never asked for help, just planning on living until she died. Mary took the opportunity of Cazz getting up to hit the mattress and surrounding blankets and pillows with all the cleaning spells she knew, as well as open a curtain. She didn't want to blind Cazz, but the only way to get used to natural light again was exposure.